A very Sad day in my life!

The day was 11th December,2004 and the time around 11pm.
A very uncomfortable feeling was getting to me.There was a phone call, which my mom attended.....I just knew something was terribly wrong.My dad woke us up and said he had to go and wanted my husband to go along with him.Shyam did not ask a single question, he just got up, and got dressed and left with my dad.Meanwhile, I was just lying down, praying and hoping and wishing everything was fine.After about an hour, the telephone rang again and the very sound of the ring sent shivers down my spine.I just got up and went to my mom who was speaking with my dad.She was silent....just listening. She told me not to panic and then she slowly said that it was all over. What was she saying? How can this happen? Maybe this is all a bad dream. I'm sure its just a dream.....but, it wasn't meant to be. The unexpected had just happened...something I dreaded,something that would tear me apart, something I was sure I can never be prepared for, something which will change my life forever,...and it had just happened.
I had cut short my vacation with my husband at Vizag and Araku valley to go to Bangalore to see my granpa who was hospitalised.But, when I came down and saw him in the ICU... I wasn't quite prepared for what I saw... (He was on life support system, and wasn't able to speak).... and after being in the hospital for 15 days,now,my beloved darling grandpa had left us for his heavenly abode. He must have gotten tired being such a nice person,for being the most caring and considerate to everyone who walked into our house... He was my life, my all, my everything. The person I am today is because of him... we both shared a very unique bond..he was my buddy..... we talked about just everything...from freedom struggle to politics, from woman emancipation to boy friends...he was 85 when he passed away, but was just a 20 year old in his heart...he was the most enterprising and charming man I have ever come across...he was a man with no inhibitions, no qualms about anything, simplicity personified, a man full of energy and zest for life.......
The loss to me is irreplaceable...there is just nothing that can fill the vacuum in my heart...the pain of his loss hurts more than any physical pain...it pinches my heart and chokes my throat whenever I relive those moments of his last days in the hospital,where we all were so sure he would come back home hale and hearty....I haven't been able to get over it as yet, because, every minute of life is related with him and his memories........

He is Immortal!

A person very close to me passed away more than a year ago.
I can't stop thinking about it even to this minute.
Every moment I had spent with him has been so precious and invaluable, and today...I remember him every day...every minute, infact.
I feel that vacuum can never be filled,no matter how much my friends and relatives try.

Is it wrong to remember him always and have that uncomfortable feeling, that none can equal him?
How can I stop thinking about him always?
And, if at all I try to,will that make me a bad person?
Should I stop grieving and accept it as a part of life?
Is it wrong to expect people close to me to be like him?
Most of all, I wonder how I can carry on with my life without HIM?

So many questions in my mind....wish I had an answer......